Suicidal dateline (day 1)

So, basically, I have promised myself that if I (23 yo autidtic NEET) don't get a job, a room for myself and a 4/10 gf by the 3rd of october, I'm an heroing.

Today I went outside with my mother, and everything looks like a desert. Coronashit has really fucked everything up. Anyways, we went to the supermarket and we bought:

>melatonin
>tryptophan
>vitamin D
>probiotics
>betacarotene (to get an orange hue in my pale skin)

I also got a haircut (my mother is a hairdresser) and shit. I look almost like a human being now, just very pale and thin. I don't have money for a weight gainer, so I will just eat like a pig and do squats.

I'm planning to start selling translations of public domain books on Amazon. That might give me some money. I have also started participating in scientific studies. I made 10 dollars today.

I have "advanced" a bit, but I'm still really fucked. It has been ten years since I last went outside alone.

Any suggestions?

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Oh, and I'm also getting vaccinated (the government gives priority to the disabled) so I stop being terrified of infecting and killing my mother. That will probably make the terrible anxiety episodes I have somewhat less painful.

They vaccinate you early for having assburgers? What country is this?

High five man! Not so much on the suicide thing but for progress. You set a goal and you took a few steps and it seems like you know your next! Keep up the good work. Even by October you don’t meet your goals you will still see you’ve done better than nothing.

It's great that you have goals, OP, but you shouldn't burden yourself with such an inflexible deadline, especially if you plan on killing yourself if you don't meet it. If you have a job and a place of your own by October 3, it would be absurd for you to commit suicide just because you don't yet have a girlfriend. You'd have made an enormous amount of progress after being isolated for so long, and for all you know someone—perhaps even a five, six, or seven out of ten—could be just round the corner! Just be realistic and accept that everything may not fall into place by a soecific date, but that by making the effort to turn your life around things will gradually improve until hopefully you won't give the prospect of killing yourself, and depriving your mother of her son, a moment's consideration.

Good luck, OP.

Good work on improving yourself, but let’s get rid of the whole “I’m killing myself if I don’t do X by this date”. You’re doing good as is and you don’t need a gun to your head to do it

Thanks, user.

Good luck.

>if I (23 yo autidtic NEET) don't get a job, a room for myself and a 4/10 gf by the 3rd of october, I'm an heroing.
3rd of October 2021 is too strict a date. You can absolutely make significant progress by then but some of what you’re looking to achieve will be pure luck. Eg. What if you have a job and plans to move into your own place on October 2nd, but not actually moved yet? And also finding a GF right now is harder due to corona. It will be easier in late 2021 and 2022.

I think you should give yourself until the end of 2022. That gives you more time to account for luck, or unforeseen circumstances fucking up your plans.

I understand what you mean, but by the end of 2022 I will be 25. It would be too late.

I know I am already perpetually broken, so I want to rush things and shoehorn myself into society. If it does not work, I have no desire to keep being a burden to my unhappy mother or to slowly sleepwalk through life.