How do i become more independent?

im clingy and codependent, partner is far more independent and can tell gets irritated that i'm like this. i know it's from insecurity and i hate being this way. how do i become more independent?

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you cute

Try to make your own friends. It's okay to be dependent, but you have to have multiple outlets to rely on. If you hang out with your friends more, they won't see that as you being dependent on multiple outlets, they'll just see it as you being independent. All they care about is getting some of the weight off their back.

thanks ;-;

god loves you

this is going to sound stupid but im really used to being isolated. the only other relationship i've been in was abusive both emotionally and physically and so i was very cut off from the world and it makes it hard even now a few years later to get over that. even when i do spend time with the few friends i have i still always have sincere insecurity that make it difficult for me to make decisions and have my own life without always worrying what my partner thinks. idk

Well, how about online friends? Hobbies? Honestly, all you have to do is channel your focus and your efforts into things besides your partner.

basically i'm extremely invested in school and have very little hobbies apart from studying and reading. what's wound up happening though is that i get so stupidly sad from the insecurity or when he decides to be with his friends instead (which is often and i think it's obviously amazing that he has good friends so i don't resent that) that i wind up doing nothing. but you're right, the solution is probably to just throw myself into other things and focus on that instead.

its ok, you are no lesser than him just bc you have no friends. being insecure when you are an abused girl is normal, dont think too much about it. dont flood him with love he doesnt deserve, if your bf treats you bad, treat him bad aswell, even if it means spending time alone without him, he needs to learn to not take you for granted and you need to learn to respect yourself

i don't think he's treating me badly though, i think he's just expecting an emotionally mature relationship where two people have their own lives and don't depend on each other. but maybe i shouldn't be so overbearing with affection etc

You become more independent by being more independent.

It takes practice before you become comfortable with it. So practice.
If you have a car, then pick something to do all on your own such as visiting a museum a couple of hours drive away. One great part of this is that you can pick something you might like that none of your friends would.
Many of them are free or very low cost. Pack some food, decide on your route and make the whole trip alone. Listen to music or podcasts and get used to being your own company. Eventually you will like it. Meanwhile, you will learn to fix all of the various little problems that crop up and you will become more confident in being alone also.

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So you're a girl? That makes things easier since I've been with a clingy girl who didn't have many other friends/outlets to spend her time on. She was great, but we as humans find anything to be less interesting and less appealing when we think those things are always going to be readily available for us. So the best thing you can do for him and yourself would be to focus on other things, if your relationship works out long-term, there will be plenty of time for you to spend every waking minute together if the relationship leads to moving in together and marriage.

male and female are fundamentally different, and he shouldve known what he was getting into with you when you were dating. he knew from the start you were insecure and abused this, if he now cant live with this its kinda his own fault

yes, im a girl. mid-20s which sucks because when i was younger i really imagined being a much more capable woman by now. we're moving in together this summer, but i am really scared that he's going to get completely sick of me once that happens.

why do i have to make myself inaccessible? i'm always there when he wants to call, always there to listen, and i really did think that was what being a supportive girlfriend was about. i don't understand what the line is

this is great advice, i love museums as well, they're my favorite places to go. i need to get over my fears and just strike out to do things on my own

bc your bf soundsl ike an immature little boy.

its lovely to have someone give us men affection, but the immature guys cant handle the attention and mistake it as they are better than you a la they can do better than you. the same can happen the other way around. people take each other for granted. if he isnt spending as much affection on you as you do on him, dont do it, give him as much love as he gives to you, this is balance

dont go alone as a girl, at least get a gf to do this together, it will be more fun anyways, than being awkward alone at the museum lmao

good point

i don't know, i kind of doubt he is immature for wanting me to be my own person

How long have you two been together? Whose idea was it to move in together? I've been in your shoes, I just got dumped after moving for a girl. We wanted to move in together immediately, but both of our parents talked us out of it. She ended up moving in with her two best friends, which was ultimately the downfall of the relationship. I didn't have anybody but her down where we were both living because I was new to the area, and I think I put too much pressure on her because of that, so she dumped me. I realize now that I should have been more independent and tried to put myself out there more. I was there for her at any moment. I was always excited if she showed up to my place unannounced, but then I realized that if I did that at her place, she wouldn't be thrilled about it like I was. It's not necessarily the partner's responsibility to take care of every little small issue and insecurity that you have, you need to have multiple outlets. But the most important thing for you to remember is that you are not doing ANYTHING wrong by being available and being a supportive girlfriend. She wanted to spend almost all her free time with her friends, and they feel like you're alienating them if you rob them of that when they're in their youth. Unless you two get married, if you find someone that wants to marry you, then that's the point you should be able to rely on them 24/7 about anything.

no, this situation is always the same especially in young couples, if one partner gives more love than the other, the other will think theres something wrong with you. just act cool and normal = literally seem more independent on the spot

three years, and it was both of our ideas. he talks about being excited for it, etc. also talks about the future sometimes. and yeah, i'm moving a huge distance for him, last time i was visiting for an extended period of time he at one point said i needed to get out more and not constantly be there all the time, which i get, people need their space.

fake it til you make it i guess then?

OP remember this part:if you dont do this and your relationship fails, you were warned and are now to blame

yeah im definitely going to take it to heart, thank you

no not even fake it, just act like a literal normal human being, you dont have to act like overconfident person that you are not, just be normal and dont overshower him with love if he doesnt do it for you either, its literally how normal people behave lmao

if you have no friends just be ok with being alone sometimes, or try find a friend. you can obviously still be affectionate just not to a retard amount level bc often young people take this as you are not independent and a loser and i can make better than you