I've been having a lot of trouble with online dating. I get a decent amount of matches as a man, and some girls even message me first. I make an effort to always message on the same day or like within the hour if possible. sometimes its just hard to answer fast I work a night shift some days, im in school, and it can just be really tricky.
But almost all of these women ghost me or stop responding, I know you're supposed to ask them out within a day or so and I usually do if its going well. But for nearly all these women I barely get through two or so messages. I just don't get why this is going on? Some of these women have literally matched with me 3 times, from me remaking my profile and from them remaking theirs, but when I ask them out or try to have a conversation they stop responding. How do you explain this?
So then should I stop online dating? I've been at this for like 3 years with a really low rate of physical irl dates, but the thing is dating has always been extremely hard for me. I've never had a real gf, I'm in my mid 20s, I'm in a stem field with virtually no women, and I do online classes. Really not sure how to solve this one other than wait until I'm literally over thirty.
Any idea what I should do? stop online dating? move somewhere else? just wait?
Dating Advice
This is the sad reality of online dating. Don't put in so much effort into responding quickly. Post profile for us to rate.
Bump user, i would also like to know this
When you have a good conversation going with someone on Tinder or whatever app you're using and they just stop responding randomly, it's very important that you don't overthink or double-text after it happens. The best thing you can do for yourself is just to unmatch, but the best explanation I can give you is that they have simply found someone else who they find to be more attractive or more interesting than you. The odds of them eventually coming back to the conversation are unlikely, but I've seen it happen. Also, don't feel like you have to respond the very same day or within the hour, most women expect men to do that. After all, as humans, we want what we can't have. Think about it, if you matched with someone and they didn't message you first, especially since guys are the ones to message first, your first response would be to look at their profile a bunch and see why they aren't responding. Then maybe you find them more attractive because they don't seem to want you.
>I get a decent amount of matches as a man, and some girls even message me first
That's a lot more than a lot of men can say, so don't get discouraged.
Im not really comfortable posting it here but i have shown it to a couple of people including a woman. They didnt seem to think it was that bad. I try to keep it minimal with just my interest.
>This is the sad reality of online dating.
But my rate of irl dates is so low, should i just give up on it? I got like 10-11 matches in a week on bumble and they all just stop talking to me after one or two messages.
so why do they do this? Are they overwhelmed? are they just keeping me as a second option?
Can you post some examples, user?
yea sure, ill post some of those
>I can give you is that they have simply found someone else who they find to be more attractive or more interesting than you.
yea but then why match with me three times? some of these women are on here like YEARS. I dated this one girl who told me she wanted me to wait a year before she decided who was the best "match" for her. And that was two years ago
Honestly, women just like to keep their options open, especially these crazy women who have been using Tinder for years. I've matched with women who openly display "tinder veteran" in their bios like a badge of honor. I don't really get their logic either, frankly. Why start swiping and inevitably matching with people if you're already pursuing something worthwhile? Women can be stupid
2nd example
Goddamn. Next time just go with a simple "Hey" or "What's up"
What the fuck. Why are you blocking out half of the conversation?
I'd probably nix that last part, keep it simple. Women only want men to drive the conversation after first contact has been established. Plus Bumble is about letting women start the conversation. She didn't ask you what you were doing, she just said good morning. you could honestly get away with just saying good morning back.
Women don't like men who have nothing going on, even during the pandemic. Saying you haven't gone out and done anything in like 6 months doesn't make you sound more appealing. I understand your response, and it's totally innocent, but that's not what women want to hear. That last sentence was great tho, you probably could have just sent that.
i cant tell you the number of woman profiles that say "dont just say 'hey' "
identifying information
I don't think you understand the point of online dating. Women lie about why they go on online dating apps and sites.
Here's the reality, they go on online dating apps and sites to find something different from what they can find in real life. Do you think any woman, even an extremely ugly deformed woman has problems finding men who would want to date or fuck her? Fucking no, of course not. Women are on these apps for one of two reasons: To find exotic cock, or because they have unrealistic standards in men
Ok but now we can't tell what the fuck is going on in the rest of the conversation. You can't just post the last two messages and expect us to figure out what went wrong. It has to be in the context of the whole conversation.
yea i couldve done better but dont you think this is a bit picky?
>Women don't like men who have nothing going on, even during the pandemic.
I literally cant do anything though, everything is closed. the people at my work refuse to even meet up.
all i said was how i tried to buy tickets for something but its all sold out really early. I dont want to say what.
Actually you might be too stupid to understand the implication I'm trying to convey so I'll spell it out for you OP.
If the girl's looking for exotic cock you just straight up ask her "your place or mine" or something similar and fuck her that day. If she's looking for a relationship you imply that you have lots of money by saying how you've been busy working, "I've got a pretty busy week at work but I could make time for a date on the weekend, how does lunch sound?". When women look for a relationship they want to know you at least have a stable job that pays decent money so they can leech off you.
It's not just what you said, it's how you said it.
>I'd love to get some coffee with you some time on Wednesday
>I'm free Wednesday for coffee
These are saying the exact same thing, but one of them is much more effective when used in an online dating context
just say "coffee wednsday?"
put as little effort as possible
yes and maybe this is true. I could just give up on online dating and im ok with that.
This is like pua trash and if thats what they want then i dont give a fuck ill just live alone.
I'm a graduate student. i dont need to prove anything to anyone.
Yes but this is really hair-splitty. I doubt this would really change someones mind if they were interested already, like some nuance. I dont think its likely that after several years the only difference is like a change of phrase. That just sounds really silly.
No, I know, and it's totally fine if you don't actually have anything going on and can't do anything. It is a bit of a lie that you can't do ANYTHING, there's still plenty of things you could do with your time to get out of the house that don't endanger the health of yourself or others. And of course, you can always just lie and say you've been doing stuff, working mostly, visiting family, etc. Also, it is picky! Women are picky! But both of those conversations could be explained away from them just finding someone else that they find to be more interesting/attractive, it's not always something that you did. Stressing out and overthinking everything you're saying on these apps is only gonna make your responses worse.
>This is like pua trash
Seriously? Women are just animals like any other human, they're motivated by emotional impulses and hormonal fluctuations. Any woman who would use a dating app is the kind of woman who mindlessly consooms material goods and looks for new dicks to get fucked by. Not all women are like that, sure, but all women on dating apps certainly are. Get real.
Just because a girl made a tinder profile, matched you and sent you 1 message, doesn't mean she's looking to date you, or anybody for that matter. I know it might be counter intuitive, but people do this shit for a variety of reasons.