Hey I’m in a bit of a crisis and I don’t know what to do. I’m sad to admit I’m strongly considering suicide. I’m in a really foggy state so I’m just trying to broadly sum up why I’m upset.
I am a 20 year old male with severe depression, schizoid personality disorder, and an eating disorder alongside minor schizophrenia and adhd. I’m a high school dropout who failed out of community college, then was almost killed by severe malnutrition from anorexia twice over less than a year. Upon recovering, I got a job, but quickly fell into a binge eating spiral and lost my job, have been in and out of several facilities, seen every therapist available, been on a bunch of meds, etc. I now have been sitting in my quad apartment without leaving just binge eating and lying in bed for about two and a half weeks. I was 138 pounds this time last year, and a month ago I was 210. (I’m 5’10).
I have never had friends. I don’t think I’ve ever felt love (I’ve even let my family know respectfully that I’ll probably never love them), I am completely socially cut off and have no people skills, nothing makes me happy, I have no drive, I feel that because I’m not only physically disfigured, but now obese on top of that, and I’m getting older and am starting to look tired, I’ll never fulfill my egotistical eating disorder wants in terms of weight/aesthetic (at my low weight I had no testosterone or sex drive but still enjoyed the complements, attention etc from people) and therefor don’t deserve love.
I’m stuck. I don’t know where to go or what to do.
Goddamn it, Eva. ALRIGHT REAL SHIT NOW, BOYS: does anybody leave near this motherfucker? There is absolutely NOTHING that we can do for him online, God knows we've tried. Somebody please step up and help him IRL.
Charles Roberts
You sound suspiciously similar to the autist who tried to walk from Florida to Portland a couple months ago, is it you?
What can I say, you set a retarded goal for yourself out of pure desperation, but you already know that. Your problem is you completely abandoned anything to do with what you were interested in doing in the first place immediately after. You wanted to instantly feel like you were Jack Kerouac or Chris McCandless or all those train hopping vagabond bums you see on youtube, to build memories and give life some meaning, but were you ready to suffer? You have to suffer a lot before you become able to do shit like that dawg. I could go over all the shit you did wrong back then but that'd take multiple posts and you can see for yourself if you go in the archives for your threads here and on /out/ where people gave you advice. Learning about how to do it is part of the suffering, before you physically strain your body for a long while, grasp the pain and ride the tiger until you're used to it. FUCKING READ THE ARCHIVES NIGGER!!! LEARN NIGGER!!!!
look at this fat fucking retard, he's way fatter than you are or probably ever were, he started the PCT and hiked that shit for months at a snails pace because he's fat as fuck but he did it and lost the weight, he did what you wanted to do but did it right by choosing a proper though still extremely ambitious route and GEARFAGGING (you gotta do it) hard beforehand this gigantic fat spergy mogs the SHIT out of you, are you okay with that? fucken boogie lifemogs you rn Don't have the money to gearfag? Work and save, you're young as fuck at 20 fucking T W E N T Y you retard >I’m getting older and am starting to look tired come on with this bullshit
I don't know your situation with your family but they obviously love you if they bailed you out of that retard situation you put yourself in and still put up with your autism for two decades, try get someone to hook you up with a job and SAVE then GEARFAG then go /OUT/ and get /FIT/
You're clearly fucked up in the head, if you can't come to grips with life/eating then you'd be better off on some severe medication that will melt your brain but at least you're not dead.
>Get your shit together
Evan Reyes
Don't kill yourself brother. It's not worth dying. Life is a long hard slog and you must never give up. You may be obese now but you know that's mutable and temporary. You need to find a way to get yourself into healthy habits, ease into them slowly, without spiralling back into anorexia. It's going to take massive willpower for a while, which will eventually fail - hopefully, by that time, it will have become routine. And once you manage to fit this piece of the puzzle, after a few weeks, I promise you, you will feel so much better.
Didn't read your shit nigger not your blog. If you really wanna kill yourself then do it, die slowly and painfully
Cooper Jones
Yeah there's no hope for you pal
Jordan Perry
If I could instantly go back into anorexia I would do it in a heartbeat.
I am in no way interested in the outdoors or hiking, I haven’t even left this fucking apartment in like two and a half weeks now
Ryan Watson
Go outside.
Charles Rivera
Why? I don’t understand what motivates you fuckers like why do pugs run and shit?
Noah Cook
>If I could instantly go back into anorexia I would do it in a heartbeat.
Motherfucker have you not heard about thinspo communities? I'd be the last guy to recommend thinspo, but, hell, if not eating is really what you want go the fuck ahead.
Nathan Thompson
Because it is healthy to be in the sun and expand your perspective beyond four walls. It is actually a necessity for your mental health.
Isaiah Allen
Lmao
Easton White
Pugs run because they can and it feels good.
Logan Watson
>I am in no way interested in the outdoors or hiking >planned to walk thousands of kilometers across USA
You're saying you developed zero desire to do anything similar from your mania? Why did you even want to do it in the first place, just to lose weight?
Then get on the Pacific Crest or Appalachian Trail, two actual waymarked trails that go a long way across your country, and do what you originally wanted just on a route that's actually fucking plausible That guy's channel I posted would be your ideal resource
Otherwise what are you going to do, what other plans could there be? You suddenly do a volt-face of personality and stop being so weak willed? You think you're gonna develop ascetic attributes and imbibe a new life philosophy because God lobotomizes your arse all of a sudden? And the plan is to sit on your hole eating and watching anime and being a hikki until it happens? As a weeb have you not watched Welcome to the NHK? that shit hit me hard when I was a hikki teenager and I realized nothing will ever come my way on its own, and I'd be a bitter cunt lurking Dab Forums for eternity if I didn't do something fucking anything
/out/ and getting /fit/ personally really saved my ass, I'd probably have glassed myself by now if I kept being a hikki scared of the sunlight
I don't know what to say other than taking medication and eat regular portioned meals. Food is not a reward but it does taste good.
Bentley Gomez
Ignore some of the edgy faggots in this thread. You need to find 2 things. 1, a job, and 2, a purpose. Vague right? Let me explain. Finding a job is simple enough, you need something that will secure your existence in society. Try and get some speciality training, it could be in some sort of trade, or it could be another attempt at college. Finding a purpose is far more difficult though. You need something to be passionate about to enjoy living, and to feel like your life has value. It can be in the form of literally anything, a skill, a hobby, an activity. Maybe try taking up a combat sport? Start lifting weights, learn to swim? I don't know anything about you, but you likely already have something in mind.
Thomas Kelly
Thinspo communities can’t motivate me enough
Nothing makes me feel good
Yes the little schizophrenia journey was just to lose weight, and I have seen NHK
