Suicide
>How close are you to ending it all?
Any day now. I'm just waiting for my parents to die first.
>What's your plan?
I live near a bridge that goes over a river. I'm gonna jump off of that. The fall should be high enough to instantly kill me.
Not very close in less something drastic happens suddenly. Currently my plan is just riding this life out for a while, maybe a few years. As far as method, I favor opioid overdose due to being rather peaceful and not making a huge mess. My second preferred method is shotgun to the head, because this is certainly fatal. My third method and the one I went for a few years ago, which is putting neck on rails and waiting for the train. I pussied out at the last second, and I doubt id have the balls to succeed with that method. Same with jumping off a building/bridge etc. I suppose a bus would work just as well. The benefit of these methods is they require no money and are very accessible, compared to opiods or firearms. Hanging is pretty far down the list for me, because I would probably fuck it up somehow and seems excessively prolonged for my tastes. I prefer something instant.
Please don't kill yourself user. Literally every single one of us can and does go to mental hell. There is freedom from this that you can't possibly conceptualise right now but I promise that if you hold on you'll feel again. I don't know why I've tried to make this sound deep but it is deep. You will feel and experience it all in the polar opposite way.
Are you safe - as in a home and money coming in?
I dont know who you live with or the nature of your relationship with them, but I think it would be better to bang yourself somewhere else. You would probably traumatize whoever finds you and ruin the entire house for everyone you live with. If thats your intention then whatever, but if you care about them at all, why not do it somewhere else? I recommend an abandoned house, when I was plotting my suicide I found its actually really easy to find abandoned houses and accessing them is sometimes very easy. There's also old warehouses etc. If you are worried no one will find your body, you could leave a note or send a message with the address, that way whoever recovers your body can mentally prepare themselves, or more likely a cop or emt will come recover your corpse, which they are probably already used to dealing with and also you are a stranger to them so I doubt they would be as traumatized. Just food for thought.
I don't want you to feel this way, I literally don't know who you are but I don't care - I love everyone unconditionally and I wish I could come and get you right now and make sure you're safe and look after you. So worried.