I have no skills whatsoever and even my parents don't believe in me. I just started uni and have made no major fuckups yet, so that's not the problem. It's an intrinsic thing, it's like as soon as I was born they gave up on me; they never invested any money into me except for food, shelter and curing life threatening diseases. They never encouraged me to go outside or do physical activity and I didn't want to do it in the first place, so now I'm a wimp with no friends.
The thing is, it wasn't the same for my big brother. It's true, he had better genetics than me and naturally got friends and went outside, but they also invested into him by curing his acne (which they won't do for me, claiming that I'm the one who doesn't want it because I'm too lazy even though I ask them every week) and buying him an expensive PC when he was 18, which again, they won't do for me.
Now my brother is 23, he's about to get a Phd, and he has thousands of dollars in his bank account which he earned all by himself through his own skills in the past five years.
Is it my parents' fault I'm a failure?
At this point it's painfully obvious they have no respect for me whatsoever. Whenever I try to join a conversation my words are completely ignored or I'm explicitly told to shut up, they won't let me do even the most basic shit by myself because they're afraid I'll hurt myself or destroy something, and when they think I can't hear them they talk about how they're worried for my future. I almost want to take my life at this point. I know you're going to tell me to ignore all this and just focus, but it's not easy. Whenever I try to do something all these insecurities come to haunt me. It's like the less they believed in me, the worse I became. Lately my father has even been screaming at me. What mindset can I adopt to withstand all this pain?
>Is it my parents' fault I'm a failure?
no. that responsibility is yours and yours alone. your desire to foist this off on your parents is simply an attempt to avoid responsibility for fixing it; this lack of responsibility is a good candidate for being the root cause of your failure.
>inb4 you're hiding something, you must have done some bad shit to get to them to think so little of you
As I said, it's at least half my fault. I have always been clumsy, used to cry a lot as a child and could never understand others, so I became isolated. On the other hand, they never did anything to make me a better person, they never tried to understand me and encourage me like you'd expect a parent to do, and in the past few years it's more like they're trying to keep me down.
You gotta find a way to cope homie. Become mentally tougher and see the bigger picture. Yes it sucks when you are getting yelled at by a human. But if you can see the past that moment of humility there is a plethora of opportunities.
Don't blindly ignore though, make sure you are hearing what they are saying. Reflect upon it and decipher whether it is something worth noting. You can learn a lot about the human mind by just observing in personal conversations.
Ask yourself, how did this conversation start? Where are these emotions coming from? What can I take away from this to improve myself? And finally, how can I thoughtfully guide this conversation to a finishing point?
It's not like I'm not trying to fix it. I'm seriously trying to learn new skills that will make me at least a bit independent like my brother, but I'm being put down everyday. I'm curious as to whether you guys think my parents should have done something different, though I obviously gave a biased point of view that made it seem like it's all their fault.
>I gave a biased point of view that made it seem like it's all their fault.
this is the fundamental attitude problem you have to fix. stop worrying about the past, its over and you can't change it. all you can do is change your future. what does it gain you to have the hivemind tell you "yes its you're parents fault"? how were you anticipating this would help you move forward and resolve your issues?
>Where are these emotions coming from?
My father is mentally ill and screams every time something goes slightly wrong. The last time I was yelled at was when I cleaned my new glasses with paper instead of the cloth you're supposed to use. It was a fair point, but he could have just said that once and that would've been it. Instead, he screamed for half an hour, constantly repeating it and also adding that I always do this sort of thing. Then, the following day, my mother also reminded me you're supposed to use that cloth, just to make sure this extremely complex concept got through my very tiny brain. I'm treated like an infant every day.
Essentially, I can't really reason with my parents. The only way they'd even let me speak is if I became like my brother, but that's not happening seeing as he has 5 more years on earth than me.
Sorry.the post title was to get more attention, the main question is about the aptitude I should have to get through this without crying myself to sleep everyday
If you can, you should try and move out. Get a job and, during your free time, learn the skills your parents never bothered to let you learn.
That sounds awful. Don't give up man. Keep improving yourself, keep up that goal of independence so you can leave those shitbags behind. I really am rooting for you.
Probably. Our parents all fuck us up to some degree, as you will your kids should you have any. Honestly I still hold my parents partially responsible for most of my deficiencies. But once you reach a certain age, you do have a mature agency. You can make some major changes, and they will likely be neither easy not immediate, but continued efforts will produce results.
Once you've realized your maturity, you can blame your parents for who you have been, but not who you will be.
>move out
Not happening at my age, I live in a shithole, no one moves out or can move out at my age.
Thanks user, that's nice to read.
It's your parents fault for how you are raised, but who you were raised to be is not who you have to be.
I hate my father, mostly because he never was one. But in reality, he's just a mass of atoms which brought my mass of atoms into consciousness. I resent him, but I gain absolutely nothing by blaming a person who doesn't give a shit. If I tell him he's a bad father, that won't make him become a better father because he just doesn't care.
Once you realize that, you are free. You don't need to prove yourself to someone who never cared about you.
Plus, a lot of shitty fathers hate to see their kids grow up and become successful. You have to do that user. Be the person you want to become, not the person others have made you out to be.
No
Find a way to save money, get a job, and move out. If you can't move out, at least get a job first then invest your salary on the stock market.
>My father is mentally ill and screams every time something goes slightly wrong.
> he screamed for half an hour, constantly repeating it and also adding that I always do this sort of thing.
I'm not trying to discourage you from working on your problem, because I'll address your original question below. I mean this sincerely when I say that you should practice as much patience and understanding as possible with your parents (especially your dad). Screaming for that long over how to clean a pair of glasses is where neurosis starts to look like psychosis and he is probably even less capable of helping himself and improving his condition than you are. Try to look at him and see the traits you dislike about yourself. If you do this consistently you'll be impressed by what you begin to notice and the lessons you can learn. Lessons that will help you to be more patient and understanding with him and yourself.
Now to answer your OP. I again mean no discouragement in when I say this, but placing blame is a habit that isn't going to actually help you learn how to feel like a success (which I would mention has to be self-defined). What you blame will have power over you, not the explicit power parents have over the children who live with them, but the power to limit one's personal growth and ability to express oneself. Its not wrong to analyze and recognize the qualities and characteristics you might have behaviorally inherited from your parents or used to adapt to them, but the moment you begin to catharticly say "that's why I can't _____" or "that's why I'm no good" your analysis has become self-limiting and a crutch to the progress I feel that you would be more satisfied with.
Look dude are you hitting gym or doing exercises, get jack fit it will improve your confidence, even if it sound cheesy as fuck.
Then get any job, if it brings good and shelter to the table its worth it, but dont go for wage jobs like fastfood or HEB those places are fucking crab buckets.
And finnaly if you become successfull, come back to your parents house to tell them that they are horrible dipshits that will die in the nearest elderly asylum, kick the yo dad in the balls for extra points, that might give him a reason to scream for one hour straight.
How can your brother have better genetics than you?
Stop comparing yourself to your brother. Start comparing yourself to you yesterday. As long as you are better today than you were yesterday then you are successful. Life is a series of small decisions.
got a better dice roll
you could be like me, my mother pushed me and now she only says "why can't you be like how you were before" when before i was miserable