Im 31 and barely have close friends at this point. I barely talk to my own sisters because they’re all much older than me. A part of me wants to reconnect with friends I haven’t spoken to in a while, but I also don’t want to get too involved.
A lot of friends I’ve made, I’ve always known them as part of a circle, so I feel weird hanging out or chatting with certain friends 1-on-1. I feel more comfortable talking and hanging out with them as part of a group.
There are certain friends I do feel comfortable with 1-on-1, but only in small amounts. I also don’t initiate conversations, even though I crave talking to friends, but I guess that’s due to my social anxiety.
I crave the social aspect of friends, but I have never had a deep friendship or never had a “best friend”. Now during this pandemic, it’s hitting me how alone I really am.
The few friends I have, I don’t really want to be friends with anymore, because they’re the same as they were in high school, living with parents, working at deadend jobs, don’t drive, and have never dated. I just can’t relate to them anymore. A part of me wants to stay friends with them, because I long for the good times I did have with them years ago, playing video games, watching anime, going out to fun restaurants and karaoke in NYC, etc.
Basically, they’re people I enjoy fun outings with, but they’re not people I can talk about personal shit with, like dating or careers if that makes any sense. They’re people to enjoy activities with so I don’t have to enjoy those activities alone.
